Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Due Dates are Irrelephant!

Before I dive in to this blog head first, I am going to dip my toe in timidly by saying that I am not innocent in recognizing just how flexible a "due date" is. With my second daughter (eight days past her EDD in August thankyouverymuch) I sat on my labor ball twenty-four-seven agonizing over the idea that my child would never come out naturally. That being said, I squeaked in at 41 weeks and 1 day with a totally natural 4 hour birth. I focused so much on those numbers, 40 weeks, 41 weeks. My due date was July 31st, so whatever day it was in August was how many days I was overdue. Here is where I want to ask- who in the world came up with these numbers and why do we obsess over them?

Photo Credit: Pius Mahimbi
Forty weeks is the estimated gestation of a sweet human baby. That is 280 days. However, conception doesn't occur until 14 days in, so really a woman is pregnant when she is on her period according to this system. In almost every single situation there is no way of really knowing when conception occurs, doctors estimate based on the average women's cycle and then based on an average pregnancy a magical date is generated. Except, it's not magic. The growing baby doesn't have a calendar or smart phone to remind them to get going. A women's uterus does not suddenly snap when that time comes. There is no physiological eviction notice that is served when the clock strikes midnight. For many women, a due date comes and goes like any other day. In fact, only about 5% of babies (a generous estimate) are born on their due date. To put it in perspective, there are 21 days that a baby is considered "term": 39 - 42 weeks (according to ACOG), and mere probability with no other factors would give a 4.76% chance of a baby being born on any of those days.

All of this is not undermining the fact that going past a due date isn't fun. There is merit to the due date: the estimation allows a care provider to monitor uterine growth, assist in diagnoses and treatment of certain conditions, and of course give a mother an idea of when is probably not the best time for a romantic Parisian vacation or something. My point in all of this is you (or I) might pass a due date and that's okay! What is more important than popping a baby out on that arbitrary date circled on your calendar is allowing your body and baby to prepare for the labor and delivery process. There are so many things working together right at the end for a perfect harmony of labor and by allowing it to happen despite frustration or anticipation you are doing your mind and body a world of good.

Joyfully, Jess

Note: Photo credit to Pius Mahimbi. To view more of this artists work please view the Flickr account on this link

Friday, December 4, 2015

Breastfeeding Friday - Opening the Door

Phot by Viktor Mogilat
At the top of my list of tips for new breastfeeding mommas is to take a breastfeeding class. As full disclosure, I took one and it was immensely helpful for what I needed it to be. I am very much a learn-as-I-go type person. My best example of this is whenever we get a new board game, my husband reads the entire set of directions thoroughly: the alternate playing options, full moon on a Wednesday, and extended play rules. He reads the booklet from cover to cover and then  wants to explain them to me. I try to be a trooper, but 2-3 minutes in I throw my hands in the air and say "just explain as we go!" I just wanted to put it out there that I did not take an exhaustive course covering the ins and outs of nursing, those are fine (great!), but they would not have worked for me. What I needed was a class to open the door.

I grew up in a family where breastfeeding was kind of, well, weird. My mom didn't nurse my sister or me. My cousins weren't nursed, in fact, I don't think I was ever even in the same room as a baby being breastfed until my sister-in-law had our nephew Noah... I was 21. Other than that single outlier my only experience with breastfeeding was what I saw in the movies and television. In other words,my only exposure was through our Western media that pretty much makes it a joke. When I first found out I was pregnant with #1 my husband expressed that he wanted me to nurse our child because of all the benefits it provided. I was pretty much disgusted at the thought, but reluctantly agreed to try it until our child cut teeth. With that decision made I went to a class at the local WIC clinic. I view that single encounter as one of the biggest blessings that I have ever been granted.

My WIC representative had her small (and adorable!) baby in the office and he was happily nursing. I told her of my weaning plans and she assured me that teeth would not be a problem. She did it so warmly and confidently, yet I recoiled, because when a baby gets teeth aren't they getting a little old for breastfeeding? Ahhh... There we go, the real source of my hesitation. The answer there, by the way, is no. Even after hearing that, and hearing that WIC recommends a baby breastfeed for a minimum of one year* I held on to my insistence of weaning early.

Then the real class came.

We started by picking objects out of a box. I won't spoil the game by divulging all of the objects, but mine was a tampon. Our instructor had us go around and share what we thought our object had to do with breastfeeding. A lot of women were just as clueless as I was, some not so much. I was amazed, though at all of the benefits and facts that were shared.  Yes its good for baby, but its also good for Momma, for finances, and its more convenient than I thought. Yes, convenience! That was not a word I had ever heard associated with breastfeeding.  After going around the circle, we watched a video. Again, it wasn't exhaustive or a complete manual, but for basically the first time in my life I was seeing infants nurse and it wasn't being made fun of! I do not remember much else about that class, except for this: I looked around the room and realized that breastfeeding a child is not a strange thing to do. I was in a room with a dozen other women who wanted to (or their well-meaning spouses wanted them to) nurse their children.

The class that I took opened the door for me, and maybe even closed another. Ahead of me I had a world of positivity and support for nursing my child. Behind me was a world where I felt mortified at the thought.

So, not everyone is like me. We are at this pretty cool phase in our society where breastfeeding is being normalized. We aren't where we would like to be, but we're on our way, and because of that more and more women aren't starting out where I was- they may be familiar with breastfeeding from an outsider's perspective, they may have already had that "icky" feeling taken away by an interaction with a loved one. Hey, maybe they never had that feeling in the first place! If anyone is in this category than this blog post is still meant for you! First of all, you may still need a door opened that you don't even know is closed. Are you nervous about supply? Or latch? Medication interactions? Laws? None of those? Well, there may be something that comes up that you hadn't even thought about.

I am so thankful for a class that I never wanted to take. It changed so much in a short period that is having everlasting effects on my family, don't cheat yourself of these perks! Go!

For more information on the WIC breastfeeding support program visit: WIC Breastfeeding Support

Joyfully, Jess

*American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a minimum of 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding and 12 months total
The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding and 2 years total

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Pumpkin Spice & Fuzzy Boots

All month long I have been blessed with a newsfeed on Facebook full of people displaying gratitude for things in their life: their families, their homes, their friends, even circumstances that may not have once seemed like the greatest thing. I opted out of the "30 Days of Thankful" this year, not because I am not thankful, but simply because I have been focusing on so many other things that I did not want to commit to another daily task, although I am sure it would have been uplifting during these busy times to do so! I look forward to a long weekend ahead of me, today I have spent a lot of time in reflection of all the ways that God has blessed me, some of His ways have been mysterious and confusing, while others were direct and explicit. I am thankful for both categories.

In category 1: I have dealt with some setbacks. A personal lawsuit. A busy schedule so I rarely see my husband. An hour cut at my nine-to-five. However, all of those things intertwined together and I saw that it was finally time to work on answering that call God has been trying to put through for years. Thus, I got serious about doula-ing.

In category 2: I have a beautiful family. A loving church. A warm home. Friends, so many loving and dear friends. Most recently, a new job that is going to change a lot in our life in a great way. 

Sometimes I think that we go through those things in category 1 to appreciate category 2, sometimes I think its to make room for category 2, a means to an end. Then, sometimes I realize I do not understand God's ways and I shouldn't! He has a plan in store for me far greater than I could plan, so I try to sit back and go with it, listening to Him intently.

Anyway, on a sillier note, here are some concrete things on my thankful list. No, I don't have my own Doula, but I really hope that I can make other women's list in that spot! Through joy and support I hope to be a Doula that families are thankful for.

If that doesn't work, here is a fabulous Pumpkin Spice Overnight Oats recipe that is a favorite of mine in this fall weather!

You Need:
  • 1/4 C. Oats (I prefer steel-cut)
  • 1/4 C.Pumpkin Puree
  • 1/2 C. Almond Milk 
  • 1 tsp. Honey (or to taste)
  • Pinch of Cinnamon, Ginger, and Nutmeg
  • Pecans or Walnuts (optional)
You Do:
  • Whisk together the pumpkin puree and almond milk
  • Slowly add in honey
  • Pinch in spices (now is a good time to test taste your ratios!)
  • Fold in oats and stir until fully coated
  • Cover bowl and leave in fridge overnight
  • Enjoy with nut topping!

Kindly, Jess

Friday, November 20, 2015

Breastfeeding Friday Begins!

My Polar Bear, Phoebe at 6 weeks gestation
Way back when, when I was a mother of just one beautiful lady and unaware that #2 was on her way, I started a blog. I got really into that blog and thought I was hot stuff for about a month. Then, I saw two pink lines to tell me #2 was on her way, and with those two pink lines came morning sickness, exhaustion, and all of the other first trimester fun that kept me away from that blog that I was so pumped up about.

One of my visions for that blog was to be a source of unofficial, but useful information for breastfeeding. I wanted it to be quirky (because, hi, I'm quirky) and fun, but informative. I want to take a minute to focus on the word "unofficial". In this case I want it to be synonymous with unlicensed and un-certified. Its not that lack confidence in my words that I do believe contain wisdom, but I just want to explicitly say that I am not a doctor, a nurse, a lactation consultant, or counselor. I do not have any legal certifying bodies that back up what I am saying, I have not (yet!) received a formal education or training on this particular topic. I am slightly, but only just so, ashamed to admit that I never really took much of a breastfeeding class.

So what credentials do I have? Well, I am the Momma of two lovely ladies, I nursed one until she weaned at 3.5 years old and the other (2 years old) is currently going strong. I like to brag, or complain depending on the day, that I have been pregnant and/or nursing since December of 2010. Yes, you read that right. There was a time when I was pregnant and nursing, about 41 weeks and 1 day of those shenanigans and then about a year and a half of nursing two little ravenous beasts darlings.

Over the past few years I have been blessed with a smorgasbord of issues. Yes, I see them as blessings because I was able to overcome them and continue to nurse my children and they imbibed me with knowledge, tricks, wisdom to pass on to other nursing mommas.

I had thrush, right out the gate (diagnosed in Labor & Delivery recovery). Supply issues that had me question my value as mother. Post-partum anxiety, because if there is a new way for me to get anxiety its going to happen! I had a bleb once, what's a bleb? My spellcheck doesn't even know what that word is! I had mastitis, latch issues, surgery, and, then, what I call the Peppermint Incident of 2011.

My goal (and fervent prayer) is that the things I experienced and the solutions I implemented through the undying support of so many beautiful women is passed on to any Momma who reads this with questions.

So, back to 2012 when I had that blog. I made this list and going over it three years later I still agree with it.

Over the next few weeks I plan on embellishing on these points. My goal is to have a "Breastfeeding Friday" regular post among my other semi-regular posts. I hope to give you my personal experience with other anecdotes I have heard as well as other harder and more concrete evidence to back up the stuff that I say... er, type. 

So, this was week one. And I will link the other ones probably right here to this post.If you have questions or concerns about what I write leave a comment or email me at fruitfuljoydoula@gmail.com - I look forward to all feedback, positive more-so than negative, but hey, lemonade and all that.

Week Two: Opening the Door

Joyfully, Jess.

Resources:
My most trusted BFing website

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Oh, Mother Teresa...

I am not sure where or how, but sometime over the past couple of weeks I stumbled across this quote by Mother Teresa: "Joy is a net of love by with you can catch souls". This was so profound to me, it shocked me how well twelve words aligned with my entire (hopeful) life path! I am going to break this down word by beautiful word.

  • Joy: This word is in the my name. The name I hope to officially register and use as a midwife one day. It is something I hope to bring to every delivery room I enter and it is the number one emotion that I want people (mothers, fathers, grandmothers, sisters) to feel when they look back on the birth of a precious family member. 
  • Net of Love: What a visual this subphrase gives me! Beyond just embraces and physical affection or support, I think about a phrase that is popular among doulas  and midwives- holding the space. I am still learning what this means, and how I can accomplish it in a birth, but I imagine holding a space to be like filling a space with confidence, support, and trust. 
  • Catching Souls: What is it about a child's birth that makes it so precious? I don't believe it is the contractions, the discovery of bodily fluids, or the exhaustion. It is because a life, a brand new life is coming into the world! As a doula I won't be "catching" any babies in a physical sense, but I will be playing on the team. My job is to help bring a fresh soul into this world, and its magical.

Needless to say, I am just absolutely giddy about all of this. I found this quote as I am starting a journey that I believe whole heartedly, with fervent prayer, that God wants me on. I believe that He is holding my hand down this path and that He sent me this quote for reassurance and, dare I say, a reward? I keep thinking it about how not only is it a wonderful quote, but it came from a beautiful woman who a blessing to the world. 


Joyfully, Jess 


"I have much to write to you, but I do not want to use paper and ink. Instead, I hope to visit you and talk with you face to face, so that our joy may be complete."2 John 1:12(NIV)

Sunday, November 1, 2015

An Announcement

I am so excited to share that I have officially begun a Doula certification course! Most certifications that I know of our costly for both my pocketbook and pocket watch*. Financially, we just can't afford the commitment of most courses that I've come across (although I am sure they are totally worth it!) Then, as far as time, well, I work full time, my husband works full time times two, and I have a couple of adorable children that demand a lot of my attention. Thus, I found the New Beginnings course, which is online at my own pace and with affordable monthly payments. I am thrilled to be at this point, the starting block, and diving in. I am curious to see how quickly I can complete the course.I do not want to make the mistake of burning through it without comprehending and digesting the material I go through, but I am so anxiously eager to get through it and continue on this journey.

I will keep everyone updated on my progress, including when I reach the point of certification!











*Okay, I don't actually have either of those things, but I thought it sounded good!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Blogs to Read


An ever-growing list of blogs I love and I think you will, too!






Mrs. None in the Oven






Mrs. None in the Oven: A good friend's journey through infertility, chronicled with optimism and humor and loads of truth!






  
A Woman's Heart Doula 






A Woman''s Heart Doula: A self proclaimed "crappy" illustrator puts a positive and colorful spin on pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.






Lowery Birth Services





Lowery Birth Services: As they say- "Parenting isn't the easiest thing to do... So sit back, relax, read our blog, and enjoy your lukewarm coffee".




   
Lindsay Miller Birth Services




Lindsay Miller Birth Services: A compassionate blog about parenting from a Boston area Doula, Birth Educator, and Momma!






Great Expectations



Great Expectations Doulas: From the DFW area a very informative blog with relevant information and resources. A must-read, in my opinion!






Roses and Cellar Doors




Roses and Cellar Doors is, in my opinion, the best and most underated baby name blog out there! She gives great real names that aren't super common. As a self-proclaimed name nerd this is such a fun blog to get lost in!

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Bio



Hi! I am Jessica/Jessey/Jess. I am a 27 year old mother of 2 gorgeous gals (Esme-4, Phoebe-2) who currently finds herself in the biotech industry trying to refocus her life goals to line up with what she believes the Lord called her to do, namely start a career in childbirth. Even more specifically: establish myself as a doula in the Lafayette Indiana area.

I love to camp with my family just generally enjoy the outdoors with them. I passive aggressively taught myself to crochet and dabble in that. I love to read, but go through ebb and flows with my pace- a good book can ruin me for months. Sometimes I pretend I am a 5-Star chef, I am not. I don't pretend I can bake, but I love cupcakes! I watch more tv than I care to admit and when things are going "my way" I am a Zumba fool.

Lastly, but really most importantly, I love the Lord Jesus and am constantly striving to strengthen my relationship with God. Its a tough walk, and I am not perfect, but darn it- I am trying!

 “Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’” - John 8:12

Phoebe's Birth Story

Some written August 8th 2013, some October 13th 2015:

For weeks upon weeks I had regular, painful contractions in the evening. I could time them, some of them took some focused breathing to get through,  but all of them went away. My due date came and went and I was paranoid of an induction: bouncing on my labor ball, lunging, walking, squatting every second of the day. I watched Pitch Perfect more times than I am proud to admit while bouncing away on that labor ball. August 7th, my wedding anniversary, rolled around and I was still severely pregnant. I had a feeling I was going to wake up in labor, so every morning I woke up and wasn't in excruciating pain was a loss. Sometime that afternoon, contractions started and followed that same pattern. They were consistently 6 minutes apart, but super painful till 8 or 9 PM- yes, I contracted through my anniversary dinner- it was Free Pie Night at O'Charley's!

When I got home, still contracting I took a shower and they calmed down. I bounced on the ball and the contractions got to be like 4 min apart, but not crazy painful. I was pretty sure she was coming soon, so I laid down around 12:30/1 am with contractions puttering out. My theory was I wouldn't wake up with a baby between my legs.

At 3:54 AM I woke up with painful contractions. Around 5 AM they were 3 min apart so I called my midwife. She told me to come in quick. I went pee and was greeted by bloody show. I woke up Esme and said, "guess who's coming?" And she said, "Phoebe coming out?!!!" And then sang happy birthday Phoebe! In the car on the way to the babysitter she kept talking about "mumma go doctor! Get phoebe out!" I kissed her goodbye and was super emotional about leaving her. On the way to the hospital my contractions were 1-2 minutes and freaking HURT! We listened to Mumford & Sons and I tried to sing through the contractions.

When we got to our room, my midwife checked me and I was at 8cm, but -1 station. She offered to break my water then, but I was very hesitant. It was after my water was broken with Esme that the screaming and swearing started. I said I'd prefer to labor her down. I walked and rocked and squatted through contractions. I got in the shower and that helped the pain. I made a lot of tribal sounds, my goal being not to swear this time. In the shower I felt like something was in my vagina. My midwife checked and said my membranes were bulging and sagging. I agreed to let her poke them. I got in the bed, on my knees, but the angle didn't work for her for a small poke, so I got on my side with Jacob holding one leg. She broke my water and there was meconium. They started explaining to me what that meant and I yelled that I knew the NICU team was coming, can I get on my knees?

 Phoebe was still pretty high. I tried grunting her down, and there was one contraction that I became overwhelmed and thought to myself "I can't do this anymore!!!!!" I screamed and cried a little and reminded myself how much easier the contractions were when I focused on being silent. A few contractions later, my midwife reminded me that it hurting more on my side was because that brought her further down... what we wanted. I agreed to get on my side and as soon as I was in position RING OF FIRE OMG it hurt! I forgot that screaming didn't help. I just needed to push. My midwife reminded me to push with contractions and I yelled that I didn't feel contractions just burning.

For 14 minutes I pushed, eventually focusing on my contractions to make them most useful. Pretty sure I pooped at this point. I'm not 100% but I think she was stuck crowning. I heard my MW say, "she's shouldering a little" and the nurse said, "okay, should we get her on her back after the next contraction?" And in my head I said, "eff that noise!" And focused and pushed with everything I had, and sweet Jesus she was out! I got to see her right away, something I didn't get with Esme because I was facing backwards. I was so happy to see her. She cried a little. Not too much, the NICU team assessed her in the room. My placenta took a while to come out. That sucked! I had a 1st degree tear, 2 stitches.

I am VERY sore like in my hips and knees. Surprisingly, peeing doesn't sting at all. I'm so happy. It hurt like a you know that last 40 minutes, but I asked for the epi zero times and said zero swear words! Phoebe is a nursing champ and we've been snuggling all day!

Esme's Birth Story

As written (with minor edits) September 26th 2011:

Four weeks ago today, from this moment, I was recovering from one of the most hellish, yet amazing ordeals of my life. The day my daughter was born was the most beautiful day of my life and I never want to forget it- so here is Esme's birth story. It is absolutely uncensored and this is not a private blog. So beware if you are weak at the sight or sound of bloody shows, rings of fire, placentas, and meconium in amniotic fluid.

The weekend before Esme was born I started to have some period like cramping. It was very mild and un-timeable, so I knew if it was "labor" I had a while to go. I called my midwife, Anne was on call that day, for advice. She said it sounded like early labor, which could last hours or could last weeks. She said to walk walk walk to get things moving. And I did. I recruited Amy and we walked around the mall for a couple hours. Then when Jacob got home from work we walked some more. I was so exhausted on Sunday that I didn't do very much walking that day- except again when Jacob came home from work. There was no change and Monday morning that light crampy feeling went away. I felt defeated, and like my baby was going to stay camped inside for weeks to come. That day, the 29th was the day I predicted for Esme to make her appearance, but it didn't look like it was going to happen. Early evening/late afternoon (prevening as Sheldon Cooper calls it) I walked to the Marathon to get a fountain Diet Pepsi. In the store I had a contraction, followed by the light crampy feeling, and then on the way home another contraction. I went on my scavenger hunt (as mentioned in an earlier entry) to keep my walk nice and long. I came home, kicked back (due to exhaustion- I was 9 months pregnant!), made some hamburger helper, watched Kate Plus Eight, and took a shower. In the shower I realized that I hadn't felt Esme move all day except for some hiccups after dinner. So I laid down, drank some water, and waited for some kicks.

Jacob  got home from work and I was still waiting for kicks in the bed. I was getting very worried at this point. At 1 am I called my midwife again. This time Sharon answered and told me to calm down, drink as much ice water as I could, and lay back and try again. If there were no changes in an hour to call her. During this time Jacob kept reassuring me. He told me that Esme was just resting up and was probably coming out very soon. I laughed at this because I had completely written off labor for at least a couple weeks. At 2 am there were still no changes so I called Sharon and she told us to come in for monitoring for my own peace of mind.

We got to the hospital and I felt so silly checking in. I obviously wasn't in labor, and I felt like everyone was rolling their eyes at me. They really weren't- the nurses were so kind and did nothing but reassure me. It was my own paranoia that they were side-eyeing me. As soon as the nurse hooked up the monitor we heard Esme's heart beat. And about 5 seconds later she kicked the monitor. I, once again, felt silly. But sooo relieved. Esme's heart beat was strong and she had 2 accelerations in 7 minutes (2 in 20 is passing). One thing that majorly disappointed me, though, was my uterine activity was flat. I was having zero contractions and that machine can pick up the tiniest contraction that my body can't even detect. We were discharged pretty quickly and on the way home I was even more upset. I thought I was at least having minor contractions, but apparently not. Jacob joked that I could be pregnant until September 14th and I felt like sobbing at that thought.

We got to bed around 4:30 am. At 6 am I woke up with "diarrhea". It was pretty painful (and gross) and I figured it was the Hamburger Helper. After being all "cleared out" I was still having the "diarrhea pain" and around 6:45 I realized the pain was coming and going. At 7 am I woke Jacob up and told him I thought I was in labor. He asked me to describe the pain... It felt like diarrhea, and period cramps. That was the best way for me to describe it. Then we started to time the pain's comings and goings. They lasted about 25 seconds and were 3-5 minutes apart. Jacob said it was probably false labor because contractions should last longer and they start out farther apart. We decided to wait until 8:30 to see if the pain went away. If not we'd call the midwife again- something I really didn't want to do after my paranoia episode the night before. In the meantime Jacob was rubbing my back and telling me to use the toilet. I called my mom at that point. I figure she'd be leaving for work and just in case I wanted her to have her stuff in her car so she wouldn't have to back track. All the time the pain was getting worse. My mom told me on the phone to call my midwife. After one particularly painful contraction I did and the midwife said it sounded like I was in labor. She said to try and get through  as much at home as I could, distract myself, take a shower, and when it got bad to come into the office for a labor check.

I followed my midwife's directions. Jacob and I got in the shower. It helped immensely, but I could feel the contractions getting even worse. I got out and tried distracting myself with dishes. I did one dish and decided to go in. Jacob packed all the last minute stuff while I was pacing the kitchen, focusing on my breathing. In the car, we came to North Street that is randomly cobblestone and you either scrape the crap out of the bottom of your car or have to spend 5 minutes going across it. Jacob asked me what I preferred and I told him to hit it. We got to the office and I went to the bathroom. I was in my pjs, with hairy legs and no bra and making funny noises due to contractions. No one was there yet, but just in case someone showed up I didn't want to be seen. We were called back and Anne checked me. She said I was 5 cm and to get to the hospital- I was in labor! I knew I probably was before, but it being confirmed by my midwife was overwhelming. I started to sob. I was so scared, I thought I was going to die in labor and I didn't think I was ready. But ready or not Esme was coming.

We got to my delivery room and they were filling our tub. My nurse, Sarah, introduced herself, told me to change into my gown, and said I would have to be on the bed for 20 minutes for monitoring before I could get into the tub. When I changed into my gown in the bathroom there was blood all in my undies. Disgusting! I cried and Sarah came running and assured me it was totally normal. I was hooked up to the monitor and saw my contractions on the screen- a big difference from the night before! 20 minutes passed and during that time my contractions got a lot worse and I began shaking. Sarah said she was going to check me because a lot of women start shaking around the transitional phase. She checked and I was 6.5cm, but stretched to an 8 because my water still hadn't broken. She said she was going to call Anne and tell her to hurry because I was going quickly. I told Sarah that I would need Zofran and I'd rather not wait till I was barfing to get it, it wasn't a question of "if" I would puke, it was "when". Thank goodness she obliged with the max dose! Sarah let me get in the tub and it was magical! It helped so much with the pain I couldn't believe it. Around this time Jacob started texting everyone and letting them know how quickly I was going. My mom was upset. She was hoping to make the birth, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. In the tub I was able to relax a lot. I had more bloody show (eww) and Sarah came and scooped it with a little green fish net. Anne got there and joked that she had someone across the hall that I apologized for her having to cancel her afternoon appointments. She laughed and told me not to apologize, and she needed to be there anyway because she had someone laboring across the hall. She also mentioned that the other woman would "beat me". I think this little hint of competition really helped speed my labor along (not really, but who knows maybe on some subconscious level that comment hit my competitive nerve). Anne was having a hard time checking me in the tub and she wanted us to be monitored for 5 minutes. I got out and I was at 9.5 cm and my water still wasn't broken. We waited until Sarah got back from lunch (about 15 minutes later) and Anne broke my water. Unfortunately, there was meconium in the fluid and that meant I had to be monitored carefully and couldn't get back in the tub. It also meant when Esme came out that the NICU team would snatch her up and check her to be sure she didn't aspirate any of the meconium. This all really upset me at the time, but after reading about other cases with meconium I feel so happy that my midwife didn't jump to a C-Section, as some providers do when they find meconium in the fluid.

Laboring in the bed was HELL. Especially on my back. We tried the squat bar, pulling myself up when I had a contraction, but it didn't help that much and it was exhausting because my contractions, although short, were very close together. I screamed a lot. Everyone kept telling me to breathe, relax, and stop wasting my energy screaming. Before that I was able to breathe through my contractions, and I would chant (kind of) relax relax relax relax, knowing that if I tensed with contractions it would basically work against them. Anne at some point suggested that I labor on my knees, leaning against the back of the bed (it was in an upright position), with my hands over the back. This position was so great. Not as great as the tub, but I was able to rock back and forth and the pressure was off my back. As labor went on, I started to get back labor. This is when the most "f" bombs were dropped, I screamed, hit the bed, and even bit the sheets.  Jacob was fantastic. He was rubbing my back, holding my water cup for me as I sipped the straw, wiping my sweat (and there was a lot). His *one* mistake was when I asked for the epidural, he accidentally blurted out, "No". I don't blame him or hold it against him, and I even laugh a little at the memory. I am glad he reminded me that I really didn't want the epidural. My midwife asked me if I was sure, I breathed through the contraction, and told her no, I didn't want it. This exact thing happened (minus Jacob saying no) about 30 minutes later. Anne and Sarah were also great. I had cold cloths on my neck, arms, and back. And at one point Anne hopped on the bed and pushed my hip bones apart, and that helped with the back labor. When the back labor was at its worst I had to have a little portable monitor type deal inserted and stuck on Esme's head. I was moving too much for the monitor and my heart rate had gotten pretty high, so the little antennae was the best way to go.

A little bit after 12pm I decided I wanted to push. I didn't feel the "overwhelming urge," but definitely an urge. Anne said I could start out with gentle pushes every few contractions. And that's what I did. Between 12 and 1:30pm or so was the worst. I screamed and convinced myself it was impossible. Thank goodness for my amazing "team". I may have broken a few hands. I always thought that was exaggerated in the movies, but man! You can really do some squeezing when you're in that much pain. Around 1:30 they started to talk to me about the ring of fire and crowning and I realize the worst was yet to come. That was when I bowed my head (really, rested it on the back of the bed), retreated deep inside me, and prayed so hard. I realize that sounds corny, but for the rest of the pushing, pretty much till crowning my pain was manageable again. I finally felt able to do it.

When Esme crowned it was a crazy pain. I am not sure if I felt "the ring of fire," but I felt like someone was trying to rip me in half. Then a push or two later- sweet relief, still a lot of pain, but nothing like a few seconds before. And one more push after that- absolute instant relief. I felt her come out and I sighed. When we watched "Knocked Up" a few days later, and Katherine Heigl was whimpering after she pushed her baby out, Jacob said that was exactly what I did. I was so exhausted. I didn't get to see Esme come out because I was facing the wrong way and the NICU team had snatched her up. I think I may have taken a 60 second nap or so against the edge of the bed, until I realized Jacob was tending to me, and I told him to go check on Esme and take pictures. She was screaming and I fell in love without even seeing her. I wanted to see her, so I turned around. When I started, Sarah told me not to freak out. I did. There was blood everywhere! I started sobbing, "this isn't normal, this isn't normal. I am going to die!" They told me to calm down, it is normal and I need to deliver the placenta. I was so exhausted I couldn't imagine pushing again. It had been about 2 hours of pushing before that. I think I even asked Anne just to pull it out by the cord. Of course she couldn't do that, and of course delivering the placenta wasn't as difficult as Esme, but it still hurt. Sarah pushed my belly while Anne and a surgical tech (who helps with "complicated" deliveries) helped down below. It came out and I felt more blood- again they assured me this was normal. The surgical tech was walking out of the room and for some reason I asked to see the placenta. She showed it to me and it was gross! And a lot bigger than I expected, like a big bloody football. Meanwhile, Anne was working "down under" stitching me up. I had a second degree tear, but she was able to sew it with one running stitch. The novacaine shot was the worst thing about the stitches. Jacob then came over and showed me pictures of our beautiful daughter. He told me she was perfect and didn't aspirate any meconium at all, but the meconium must have been in there a while because it stained her skin and umbilical cord. A few minutes later, the surgical tech cut off my tank top (I was too tired to lean forward and take it off) and Esme was plopped on my chest. I couldn't believe she was here. I cried so hard and kissed her head. I then remembered Jacob and I promised to kiss her at the same time for the first time, but I couldn't help it. She was so precious. We were able to start nursing pretty much right away. It took a couple tries, but eventually she latched and we were good to go.

After nursing Esme got her first bath and I ordered my meal. I was starved. Beyond starved. I just had the most rigorous workout of my life. I ordered a turkey sandwich, pretzels, ice cream, and cranberry juice. I think I ate half of it because I was so excited to hold Esme again. After about an hour Sarah told me I had to try to use the bathroom. This was terrifying to me, with the stitches, the hemorrhoids from labor(sorry, I warned you), and just the general Hell my girly parts had just been through I cried. I knew I had to go, but it was so scary. I told myself, hey, I just went through a natural childbirth (except for the anti-nausea meds), surely I can pee. I had good reasons for my fear- it stung like heck! But only initially. And every pee after got a little easier than the one before. After I peed we were ready to go to our recovery room. I sat in the wheel-chair, was handed my daughter, and off we went.

What does Fruitful Joy mean?

I am passionately pursing the birthing arts and sciences! As a child I knew that I wanted to be somewhere  in the medical field, but for years I could not figure out exactly where. After an incredible experience with my local Midwife team I knew I finally found my niche. I had my first daughter two semesters shy of graduating with my bachelor's degree in Biology at Purdue University and by the time my revelation presented itself it was too late to switch majors. I found myself searching for someway to get into the field of natural birthing, to help other women have the empowering and joyous experience that I did... And then someone told me I should become a doula.

So here I am, 27 years old and so excited to begin this journey, hand in squeezed-to-the-point-of-crush-fractured hand with some marvelous women in the Lafayette, Indiana area! The name of this blog, and perhaps my future doula (midwife?!) business may be obvious at the surface, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. Fruitful Joy: is it kitschy? cheesey? Maybe. But when I think of the process of labor and delivery, my memories from my daughters' births I don't think of the pain or the fear, although those emotions were absolutely there! I think of the overwhelming joy that I felt! And through that joy, I hope to produce even more joy in the women I get  to support through their experiences. I hope that my joy is fruitful for all the women that trust me in their most vulnerable and special moments, and I am so honored at that opportunity!